That Dark (k)night

"There’s a storm coming Mr. Wayne!.... because when it hits you’re all going to wonder how you ever thought you could live so large and leave very little for the rest of us!"

Selina Kyle kept building up the plot for the dark knight to rise again. Ultra and I were in the multiplex and enjoying every minute of the most awesome finale to a trilogy ever made. Little did we know of the mini crisis which we would face ourselves later that night…

We had gone to watch the evening show at Arch mall’s multiplex on a Sunday evening which is only 6 kms from our home. Our parents had gone to our native place Karkala to attend a wedding. The movie would get over by 9:30 PM in the worst case, we just needed to have dinner after that and go home. Plus, we had our own car to drive back. We had been outside home during later hours in the night and driven our car in the wee hours of the morning. Nothing in the current situation seemed that bad. What could possibly go wrong? What was different?

Well, the difference was that we were now staying in a rented house. 'Akshaya', our dear home for the 25+ years of our lives was now undergoing a renovation and we had to stay in a rented place nearby till Akshaya2.0 was ready. We had chosen a place near to our old home. It was on the main road to Nagarbhavi and in front of a temple. The traffic and the temple noises would never end for most part of the day. It seemed a little small as compared to the big house which we had earlier. There were problems in the electrical connections. However, it was still a manageable place for a one year stay and it was only 2 minute walk from our old home. We just overlooked all the inconveniences and decided to stay there.

But the real problem was not in the physical details of the house, but the softer aspects involved. The owner lived on the second floor of the house and ran a shop on the ground floor. And we were sandwiched on the first floor. He was a rough person, seemed to be ill-mannered, and had a reputation for getting irritated soon. He kept two dogs to guard the place. One was a white pomerian (the white knight) which made all the noise and barked each time we walked past the gate. The other was some sort of a greyhound (the dark knight) which seemed very dangerous. Thankfully, they kept both the dogs on leash and the darker one below the stairs so that we did not have to walk past it. We still fail to understand the need for dogs when he himself was enough for the task (no pun intended). They also had a cat which they kept on leash near the terrace door. It kept crying whole day asking for release from that messy place. The parking spot was always occupied by the inventory of the shop and was barely enough for our two wheelers. And the car had to be kept on the street on the way to Akshaya as there was no other spot for it.

And then came the human aspect of it. In our own house, we were like free birds – no one could question us for anything we did. We had a huge terrace where Ultra and I played football/cricket, sometimes very late in the night – most of the times the sport used to end with us fighting on who won the game :) We had parking for our vehicles and could park it the way we wanted. We had a neem tree near the gate, a coconut tree in the front yard, and could keep small pots wherever we liked. We had lots of open space and storage space – we even kept stuff like our childhood toys, kindergarten school books and what not! We could go out and come in at any time of the day/night. We could talk, scream or laugh to our heart’s content for any silly reason. We had scribbled all over the walls while growing up – no one dared to question our authority anytime. We could cook/eat anything we wanted – be it plants / pulses, eggs or those delicacies from the sea which we love so much ;)

Everything changed once we decided to move out from there. We had to discard lots of old stuff because the rented place didn’t have space to keep all of it. There was only one entry door to the house and only two main windows for ventilation – which made us feel that we were in some padded cell or something. There was no place to even keep the holy tulsi plant, let alone other pots. The first floor house was sheltered in between the owner’s house on the second floor and his shop on the ground floor and we felt we were under constant surveillance. Since he sat at the shop all day and had nothing much to do, our in-time, out-time, materials movement, lifestyle were all monitored by him as well as his family. On top of it, the owner’s mindset was of the traditional ‘Vatara’ of the 90’s, something which translates to ‘landlord is king’. Whenever we walked past the shop, he had some orders for us – ranging from how to park our two wheelers to where we should place the plants to how we should be talking inside the house. And since he was a strict vegetarian, cooking even vegetarian items with garam masala flavor was not allowed; let alone the occasional egg/seafood which we wanted to. Even ordering pizzas and taking it past the two dogs into the house made it seem a complicated task. The saddest part of all was that the gates were locked by 10 PM. In cases where all of us went out for dinner and came back after 10, we had to call up the owner and ask him to let us in. It felt too suffocating!

Back to our current situation, it was totally gripping to the watch the creativity of Nolan unfold on the screen blended with the musical genius of Hans Zimmer. However, the clock kept ticking even as that happened. Just last evening, we had been to the bus stand to drop mom and dad and returned home at 1045 PM. We had to call the owner and ask him to let us in. We did not want to be doing that again tonight as well. We didn't know what it was that made us bite our nails – the thrilling finish to the batman saga or the hunger pangs which set in us :) There would be no food at home and we had to eat out whatever we decided to eat. And in no way, we would leave the theatre in middle of the movie, though we both had watched it once before already. I had to put up with one cancelled movie show and the very first row seats at the digitally enhanced 4k sound of the Urvashi cinemas to catch it on the first weekend of its release. And Ultra being a hardcore Nolan fan had been to Hyderabad just to watch the movie on an imax screen. He went by the Garib Rath express during monsoons. It may be recalled here that the YPR-SC Garib Rath express is the same famous train which Ultra and Maama once barely managed to board on an adventurous monsoon evening. You can read the full story here and here!

It was finally 9:40 PM when we got out of the movie hall. The dog owner would lock the gates anytime after 10 and we had exactly 20 minutes to either have/pack dinner and go home. And we could not get any non-vegetarian food even if we decided to pack it. As we walked hurriedly towards the parking lot deciding what to do, the only outlet we could see in front of our eyes was the ground floor KFC! Life was so unfair and the call from the outlet was irresistible! ‘The only thing fair in an unfair world was chance’ we told ourselves and we decided to act – we two! We decided to take the chance. Ultra ran towards the parking lot to get the car out, while I ran into the KFC counter to order two zinger burgers and large chicken popcorn. We still had not figured out how to take it inside the house hiding it from the watchful eyes of the knights. For now, the priority seemed to be getting the food ready and getting back home. Within 5 minutes, I was out of the outlet with the food – thanks to the superfast service by KFC. As soon as I got into the car, Ultra suggested his master plan for the night – that we both would take turns to drive and finish off the food at the same time. That way we would get down at home without any non-veg, even if we were late. I wasted no time! We were passing through the dark and quiet Bangalore University roads and Ultra could not control laughing hearing me munching the zinger with the usual ‘chabad chabad’ noise. It was all done in 5 minutes and we stopped the car at the university gates to exchange places. I drove slowly now, as Ultra had to finish the burger and we both had to finish the popcorn in the next 3 kms. Ultra was already on it. But by the time he was done, we were just 200 metres away from the house and the dogs waited for us...

Plans changed instantly – Ultra decided that he will go into the house and stay there till I parked the car two streets away. That way, he would be there inside to open the lock and allow me in, even if the owner locked the gates. We still hadn’t figured out what to do with the chicken popcorn, but we knew for sure that we would not waste it or throw it away just because of the dogs. He got down from the main road itself and ran into the house, while I took a longer route to drive to the parking spot in order to buy more time, thinking of what to do – I decided to buy some bread and soft drinks from the nearby bakery to use as a disguise, just in case. Ultra would give me the signal if things looked out of control.

‘The dogs know… be careful and come home safe’ was what Ultra’s text read when I was parking the car. What did they know? How could they know? He did not even have any packet with him. All he had done was to have the zinger few minutes ago. Were the dogs that sensitive to know that? Or was Ultra playing a prank with me? I did not know. All I knew was that I had to be even more careful as I actually had the packet with me now. I would definitely take Ultra to task once I got home for sending such ambiguous message, and I would definitely get a bigger share of food anyway :) But first, I had to tackle the dogs! I walked as fast as my legs could carry me, mind thinking of situations, and heart beat increasing all the while. It was already 10:15 PM when I reached the gate. And surprisingly, the lights were still on at the portico. I opened the gate, and the white dog started barking immediately and I froze for a second. I already had the packet in the left hand which was far away from the dog. So, I gathered all courage that I can and went towards the stairs. That was when I saw it – the dark knight!... the more dangerous of the two dogs. It had come out of its sleeping place and was very close to the steps which I had to take. I had never seen this dog so closely before and today, it looked even more dangerous, ready to pounce on me. But the only saving grace was that it was still kept on leash. I gathered all the courage that I could muster and ran towards the steps, while the dog kept watching me all the time. After some tense, frightening moments, I was finally running up the stairs and managed to reach the first floor door, banging on it so that Ultra would let me in.

We finally savored the "prized" chicken popcorn along with fanta sitting in the house later that night. While munching the delicious fried chicken pieces, I kept thinking – managing to eat chicken popcorn had never been such an adventure before. It was just one adventurous night in that dungeon, but it symbolized something more – of all the dark times we had to undergo staying in that house. We had to struggle even for the smallest of things. It was a bad experience, but we managed to learn a lot about people and their behavior during that time. And since we were in it together, the bond between the family members grew tighter. And thankfully, we have now moved past those dark days. We managed to get into an awesome place in an apartment just in time for Dasara and Diwali season, and the happy days were back again. Especially, the festive season back home after two years, was really good in the new apartment, which almost feels like our own house these days. It is so close to everything – Oie’s place, Gunda’s place, my old school, and it feels so comfortable with all facilities – open spaces, basement parking, freedom to walk in/out anytime, big terrace to chit chat and hang out with friends and what not. Adding to it is the joy and anticipation involved in waiting and watching the new ‘Akshaya’ unfolding every day. We can now look back at those adventures in the dark house and laugh about it. But at the same time, prepare for whatever life has in store for us. And as is always the case, when it is with Ultra, life will continue to be a roller coaster ride of adventures!:)

In the Driver's seat

“Sir, when you know you are in control of things, you will not feel as afraid”

This was what my cab driver said when asked why he drove so recklessly so as to cause a fear to every passenger in the cab each time he was behind the steering wheel. Driving in the city with traffic in its full glory requires guts. It can suck every bit of patience out of you leaving you irritated and exhausted. As drivers are presented this tough challenge every day, they adapt to the extreme conditions in their own way, depending upon their character. I have been observing the drivers in city for some time now and have been able to come up with the following four different categories of city-drivers:

1. The “I rule the road; I don’t care a damn” types:
The signal is turning from green to red. And the vehicle is a good 300 meters away from the post. The chances of making it through are very slim… and yet, you find these types accelerating the vehicles in such a fury only to get it to sudden, grinding halt at the signal.

These are the ones who belong to the first type. They always drive recklessly, honk endlessly, overtake dangerously, yell mercilessly and most of the times, get injured fatally. They always stay on the right most lane of the road and try to squeeze their big cabs/buses in the smallest of spaces. Traffic rules, one-ways, peak hour traffic – they don’t care a damn about all these. They are forced to follow the traffic only because of the cops or the rest of the traffic. Most of the IT office cab drivers, the auto wallahs and the impulsive youth with flashy sport bikes fall under this category. If you are a passenger in one of such cabs, all you can do is close your eyes and listen to prayers on your music device (Vodafone ZooZoo ishtyle!). You can count yourself lucky each time you get down from these cabs after a journey full of AJMs and unbearable honking and third degree yelling.

Most of these drivers hail from the poor or lower middle class. They would have experienced too many failures in life and always have a frustrated look on their faces. Hence they tend to take out their frustration on the fellow road users. In most cases, the vehicle will not be their own and the pain of damaging the vehicle is not felt by them. If you are at the crossroads with such vehicles approaching from other side, you definitely give way to them.

2. The “Salpa adjust madi; ellaru win madi” types:
This is how most of the aam aadmis drive in Bangalore. Most of us would belong to this category. They understand the road situation and drive accordingly. If the traffic demands that they need to drive slow and follow the right lane, they do so. And when the roads are free, they freely test the maximum speeds of their vehicles. They follow the traffic rules most of the times but ignore the traffic signals when it does not make sense. For example, jumping a red during late night when you can clearly see the roads are empty. They don’t need cops to control them. And unlike the category one drivers, they dont drive rash even when full control is given to them. They are their own decision makers in life. If you find yourself in a vehicle driven by these people, relax and have a nice chat with them. You will end up having a nice time.

This category is the educated and/or well-to-do ones and usually drives its own vehicles. Life has treated them fairly and they expect and exhibit the same on roads. They hate the first category drivers and sometimes help the ones in lower categories.

3. The “Better late than never; play it safe” types:
This category is the exact opposite of the category one types. These people get into a fierce fight with the category one drivers almost each time they get into the streets. They carve for ideal situations and hate it when the rash ones upset their driving day. They drive slow most of the times, follow the traffic signals always and keep complaining about everyone. They get frustrated very soon as they are impatient. If you are a young person reading this post, in most cases you can picture your uncles/aunts in this category. If you are stuck with these people in a vehicle, please be on your guard – you never know when they lose their calm and start yelling at you. Just keep calming them down with soft music on radio or sweet talk of the good ol’ days.

These people are usually the older generation ones who drive because of compulsion and not for the love of it. Probably they would have driven most of their lives in those good old days of traffic free, tree lined, cool roads of Bangalore lament the loss of every good thing that our city once had. Hence, when they come out on the roads, all their emotions come gushing out.

4. The “Oh, I don’t know how to drive; I am confused” types:
These category is a minority in today’s roads but nevertheless more significant. In a way, even the category one people don’t know how to drive but they make up for it with their aggression. But these people are so confused in life and serve the purpose of providing the much needed comic relief on roads. Sometimes, they are stuck in a busy road with heavy traffic not knowing what to do and panic by waving hands; sometimes they are on a slope and their vehicle refuses to move forward causing a pain to others; and most of the times they are struggling in the parking lots struggling to fit in their vehicle in that elusive parking space.

Most of these kinds are learners and are always at the receiving end of the category one drivers’ wrath. But eventually they mature either into category two or category three drivers. They are helped most of the times by good Samaritans of category two. If you are stuck in the crossroads with these kinds of drivers, don’t wait for them to make judgment- they always make the wrong one. Just speed away and you will be all right.

So these were the four categories of drivers as perceived by me. If you feel there are more categories or have something more to add to these, feel free to leave a comment. I wish that more and more people start to follow the category two drivers so that the city roads become a pleasure to drive. I will come back with more interesting categories of occupations next time. Till then, happy driving! :)

Notes:
1. Salpa Adjust madi - famous Bangalore slang used when you want other people to let you have your way
2. AJM – another famous kannada slang for describing “near-misses”

Of exciting drinks, irritating mouse and switching gears between legs!

When I was at kindergarten, the teachers used to make all the children recite the names of months, counting numbers, maths tables, rhymes, colours and days of the week. The entire class of small, cute kids dressed in pretty uniforms and small shoes with long blue socks used to shout out whatever was taught at the top of their voices – it was kind of fun. Particularly, when reciting the days of the week, the expression on almost every child would be the same – “Sunday” would be told with so much of excitement and the tone would immediately turn sober for “Monday”. “Tuesday”, “Wednesday” and “Thursday” would be expressionless while “Friday” would have some cheerfulness. The day which would get the maximum voice and happiness would always be the last – “Saturday”. Every one of us would scream it on the top of our voice with a smile on the face.

Now, even after almost twenty years, I find that this feeling about weekend has not changed at all. Working at the IT industry makes the five day work week seem so boring, dull and routine. It is the same everyday – work, deadlines, meetings, etc. The excitement in life comes only on weekends. It is that time when we rediscover our lives. Sometimes I feel the whole industry just slogs and dies the five weekdays making money so that they can “live” for the two days that follow.

I spend most weekends relaxing at the cool comforts of my home and spending time with my loved ones. There would be so many other things planned for the week but the ones that finally executed would be the ones which excite me the most – reading that long-pending novel, watching the much- awaited movie, buying stuff waiting to be bought from a long time, and so on.

Last weekend was really fun. On Saturday, our gang of office friends met up at a colleague’s place for a small get together. Though his house was very far from my place, the exciting time spent along with a cool, icy apple drink on the way made it a memorable experience. The gang arrived late but we did manage to have a lot of fun. The lunch that we had at a nearby Andhra restaurant was spicy, economical and very filling – all of us hit the bed at our friend’s place and tried to catch a small nap as soon as we got back.

I had plans of buying a new desktop system for use at home, particularly for Ultra’s use for a long while now. In fact, most of the official time during the last week was spent surveying the probable and economical configurations which could be bought. Finally, I had narrowed it down to a particular configuration and planned to buy the same on Saturday. However, the delay in returning from the morning trip added with the Saturday night traffic at the heart of the city denied me a chance to make it to the computer store on time, leaving me disappointed and frustrated. But nevertheless, the exciting moments earlier in the day far outweighed the disappointment of not buying the computer. There was always a Sunday to do that. That’s the best part about weekends – if something you plan doesn’t happen on a Saturday, there’s always a Sunday to finish it :)

So, we (Ultra and me) headed to the city center very early on Sunday to buy the computer. It is interesting to note here that Ultra woke up early on a Sunday which he would never have done even if he had exams the next day. I guess, that’s the difference between passion and compulsion – the same reason which makes most of us shudder about a Monday morning. So, we headed to a nice shop and finally bought a very high end computer home – a long pending task was done. The only thing that remained was setting it all up.

We both finished our lunch in no time and headed staright for the computer setup. We thought we would finish in no time and play some games or test the huge monitor with some nice videos. But that was not to be. Some basic issue with the mouse and display hampered our speed. Finally with the help of our cousins, who too paid a surprise visit in the afternoon, we managed to boot up the brand new system.

I thought I would relax the whole evening after so much activity. But a sudden invitation came from school buddy Kulla for a dinner party which I would not miss at any cost – I would get a nice dinner for free and a chance to spend time with my close friends.

Soon, In found myself at Oie’s place doing what I love to do the most – drinking the trademark masala tea his mom prepares. There were six of us – Kulla, VSB, Oie, Tosi, gunda and me for the treat. It looked like it was going to rain so we took Gunda’s Maruti Esteem Car. Gunda drove and I sat in navigator’s seat. I really don’t know how the rest of the four managed to sqeeze in the back seats. But we had a nice time chatting while Gunda drove. We took the Uttarahalli road to reach Kanakpura Road and there were a lot of speed breakers. We had planned to visit “Holiday Village” a resort kind of restaurant off Kanakpura Road.

We reached the place at around 7 and settled down in our seats. It was a nice ambience covered with coconut leaves and there was swimming pool nearby. It seems they had a few games like TT, carrom which we could play for free and also snooker if we paid some money. But we dint have time for all that. We just got started with the food and juice. The food was good ans the service was ok. They took a lot of time to get the items but we dint mind it as we had a lot of stories to share. There was a professional who sang songs over there and to cater to a large hindi crowd, all he sang were some old bollywood songs. We wanted him to sing some nice kannada songs too and Tosi even went to him and requested for one. But he disappointed us.

Going back home was the best part of the day. Courtesy of some “big shots”, I got to drive Gunda’s Esteem car for the first time. I have driven only a few cars till now like the Omni, WagonR and Alto. So I felt this was the nicest that I have ever driven. The low suspension and the smart engine make driving this car a pleasure. This time, only three people sat at the back owing to full tummies and both Oie and Gunda managed to squeeze in the front of the car. We thought we will avoid the bumpy Uttarahalli road and instead took the NICE road – it was the ultimate drive ever. I was in fifth gear in no time at all and managed to touch an overwhelming speed of 140 kmph. I enjoyed every moment of it. And even at such high speed, there was not even a little bit of vibration which made the drive a pleasure. We were tempted to go on and on. Some of us even suggested we drive till Ramanagar and have coffee at midnight and come back. But since we had to go back to office the next day, we decided against it. Nevertheless, the drive was so much fun and a great experience. The funniest part of it was that Gunda was sitting with his legs around the gear and whenever I had to shift gears, I had to awkwardly place my hands in between :)

I reached home late night after a lot of chatting with them and hit the bed right away. One more exciting weekend had come to an end. I was now prepared for a hectic work week ahead knowing that I had lived my life fully during the weekend. The next morning, it was the same old Monday morning blues and the mundane office work but the joys and memories of the exciting weekend kept flashing in my mind all the while – like they have been doing all these years.

Language Treat

Owing to long hours spent travelling, usually I sleep off in the cab. For a change, I was looking out from the window of my cab and observing things the other day. I was just observing sign boards and advertising slogans and wondering how funny language usage can be at times. :-)

We provide sand, cement, jelly, wood, iron bars, paints, stones, bricks, tiles, etc and also house construction materials... Said one board. So what are sand, cement bricks, etc? Are they not construction materials? :-)

"We oppose metro train coming on MKK road" read one sign. How can a train come on road? It needs tracks right? What they meant was obvious but I could not help smiling :-)

"Madyapaana Maadi"
"Vaahana Chalisa Bedi"

This is the bangalore traffic cops' kannada style of asking us not to drink and drive. But the literal translation is quite funny. The first sentence means - go ahead and have intoxicating drinks. The second asks you not to drive. Isnt it funny they ask people to drink as much as they can and enjoy? No wonder bangalore is India's liquor capital. Whats life without a royal challenge? Right Mr. Mallya? :-)

"Karnataka Super Garage"

Punkchar done here

Dont mind the bad english, but dont we have enough obstacles on the roads that puncture our vehicle tires? Do we need a separate shop for that? :-)

"Fabrication, bending and sizing of home GIRLS" said a board- good heavens! What did they mean by that? I looked at this far-off board carefully. It was home grills and not girls. Maybe my pun hunting mind was working extra time to get such things that it immediately read grills as girls :-)

The best of them all was in front of a furniture shop. It read:

Sheela' s interiors and home furnitures

No comments on this! Maybe its the word 'interiors' that was misplaced :-)

After all these sign reading. I went to a restaurant the other day and was scanning their menu. The chinese section had vegetable fried rice, paneer fried rice, baby corn fried rice, chicken fried rice and finally a beijing fried rice- if veg fried rice is made from vegetables, and chicken fried rice is prepared using chicken, what is beijing fried rice prepared from? :-)

While i was thinking of putting all these thoughts into a post, i got a nice forward from one of my friends. I thought i will post it here. How is it?

So i guess i have mentioned all the wierd signs and boards that i have come across these days. I remembered a phrase we were using during our school days- when one of our friends had his birthday, he used to say , "It is my happy birthday today!" We all used to wait eagerly for sweets then. It is after going to high school that we realised the mistake in sayin that phrase. Anyway the phrase is still considered cute and I dont mind using it even now. Even today I could use, "Today is my happy birthday" and it still would not be a mistake. Right? :-)